then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
