Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
