Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
