It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
