I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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