oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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