Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
