We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
