wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
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Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
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Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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