I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
