Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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