Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
