My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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