Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
