She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
