1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
