So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
