I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
