Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
