My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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