yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
