question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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