Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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