i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
