I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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