Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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