I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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