you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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