I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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