i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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