so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
