Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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