Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
