My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
