I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
