u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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