I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
