happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
