if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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