I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
