They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
