Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
