How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
