Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I deserve this hangover.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
