Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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