another moral hangover. fuck.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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