Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
