I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
