lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
