he wants to bone in the snuggie
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
