Four minutes until I can fart!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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