I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
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