As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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