The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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