There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
