I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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