Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
