I'm jealous of your bromance
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
