you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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