My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
