i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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