I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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