I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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