Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
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I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I have post one night stand depression
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