My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
