his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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