He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Success! We fucked roommates!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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