oh god the rape fog is back!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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