New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
