were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you mean i was at the winter classic?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
