in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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