so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
