Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize