oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
