my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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