I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
