I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
