I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
